Monday, March 19, 2007

Career Adventures

I just finished my first night working as a phone-sex girl (which I'm doing because it will make a GREAT story for the alt-weekly where I write). Audibly hyperventilating for hours on end is hard work, and you have to drink gallons of water because it's quite dehydrating as well. I think the story will be out next week; my editor and I have to discuss it tomorrow.

I'm guessing tomorrow will be the second day in a row he lets me go home early so I can sit alone in my empty apartment and take obscene phone calls from strangers. Anyway, I'll link to the story here when it's done.


Anonymous smartass sob said...

Actually I didn't realize that phone sex still existed; I haven't seen an ad for it on television in years. I would have thought all that would have been put out of business by internet live webcam sites. So which pays better - the phone sex or the Google Ads? For that matter, does it pay as well as your newspaper job?

11:14 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

My own paper carries a lot of phone-sex ads, which is where I got the idea, Smartass. The pay sucks for the talkers, though. I'll include the details in the story. For now, though, I'm busy doing my regular morning routine--making coffee, fixing my hair and bracing myself to go to work and talk with my boss about faking orgasms and being a bad, bad girl.

You know, the usual.

4:34 AM  
Anonymous A Moose said...

I'm shocked you're not busting out laughing, myself. Good job :)

Perhaps as a spinoff you could put in for Discovery's "Dirty Jobs"? I think that would be a hoot with the guy who hosts the show trying to be a phone sex op, but I have a a strange sense of humor.

5:35 AM  
Anonymous NoStar said...

Uh,, Jennifer, What are you wearing?

9:18 AM  
Blogger rhhardin said...

Sociologist Erving Goffman somewhere comments (probably in _Frame Analysis_ but I've read too much Goffman to narrow it down by memory) that actors kissing is framed as ``not felt'' and so okay, but actors fucking has no such reframing. I don't know where phone sex falls.

My guess is that ironic detachment is probably sufficient for society but not for a boyfriend.

There are analysis questions whether phone sex can be acted or if it's always real, since the original is also acted.

Goffman, in ``Response Cries'' (_Forms of Talk_), treats the sexual moan, as contrived to mark progress or its lack. hmm..

4. The Sexual Moan. This subvocal tracking of the course of sexually climactic experience is a display available to both sexes, but said to be increasingly fashionable for females - amongst whom, of course, the sound tracing can be strategically employed to delineate an ideal development in the marked absence of anything like the real thing.

I'd try some other response cries, like Eeuw!, a contamination cry, albeit a hyperritualized one.

3:06 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I dunno, Ron. MY boyfriend thinks it's hilarious.

4:35 AM  
Anonymous Wild Pegasus said...

So, what's the number?

- Josh

5:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"So, what's the number?"


2:23 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I never did find out what phone numbers people actually called to reach me, but the question's academic anyway--turns out I'm so bad at phone sex that I got fired after my first night.

But first, I collected enough data for a GREAT story. My editor is giving me extra time to work on it, so instead of it coming out in next week's edition it'll be the week after that.

6:35 AM  
Anonymous A Moose said...

turns out I'm so bad at phone sex that I got fired after my first night.

Ok, I gotta the hell do they know? Do they monitor the conversations, or do they judge that you weren't keeping them on the phone enough? Please, do tell :)

9:28 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

My calls weren't lasting long enough, Moose. Though most of the guys did indeed get the happy ending they sought.

You know what my problem is? I'm just too damned efficient.

9:36 AM  
Anonymous A Moose said...

You know what my problem is? I'm just too damned efficient.

Ok...out of morbid curiousity, just how long are you supposed to keep the guys on the phone per call, or is that stealing too much of your article?

(this is so into the realm of "I know nothing about this, I haven't even considered thinking about it previously" I'm curious as hell as to what their business model is, how do they find their performers, is it high labor, how has the internet caused changes in their markets, etc...I'll get over it)

12:53 PM  
Anonymous NoStar said...

I thought you would be a natural, but now I realize your Mussolini impersonation wouldn't carry over the phone.

I've read that the brain is the largest sex organ (I know it's true in my case, darn it all.) But, therein lies your problem as well: Your largest sexual organ is too large and hence too efficient. In order to probe deeper into the world of Big Phone Sex you might consider a week long tequilla binge. This is an effective method of killing off excess brain cells. Soon you'll be making the big bucks and you'll have sufficient research material to turn this into a serial exposé (provided, of course, you didn't kill off the brain cells that allow you to write well.)

2:47 PM  
Anonymous A Moose said...

This is an effective method of killing off excess brain cells.

As well as finding a whole bunch o' new material for future phone description, if it's anything like my experiences on rum binges ::ahem::

3:16 PM  

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