Saturday, December 26, 2009

Another Milestone On The Road To Liberty

During the final hour of an airline flight on Christmas Day, a would-be terrorist tried to bring down the plane with a glorified firecracker. Passengers, who heard a sound described as "like a firecracker in a pillowcase ... First there was a pop, and then (there) was smoke," jumped out of their seats and subdued the unsuccessful terrorist. Naturally on the very next day, federal officials presumably hung over from the previous day's merrymaking decreed that in future, passengers must remain seated if anyone tries to blow up the plane since it's now illegal to leave your seat during the last hour of a flight. And should you find yourself in desperate need of a bathroom then, federal law now requires you remain seated and shit your pants instead.

Although we're not, apparently, supposed to know that:
The homeland security secretary, Janet Napolitano, said in a statement Saturday that new measures were “designed to be unpredictable, so passengers should not expect to see the same thing everywhere.” She said passengers should proceed with their holiday plans and “as always, be observant and aware of their surroundings and report any suspicious behavior or activity to law enforcement officials” ....Two foreign airlines, Air Canada and British Airways, disclosed the steps in notices on their Web sites. The airlines said the rules had been implemented by government security agencies including the T.S.A. “Among other things,” the statement on Air Canada’s Web site read, “during the final hour of flight customers must remain seated, will not be allowed to access carry-on baggage, or have personal belongings or other items on their laps.”

So you you can't leave your seat, can't reach into your bag, and presumably can't read a book or work on a laptop unless you hold them over your head, either.

It's finally happened: I officially yearn for the level of freedom Americans enjoyed under the Bush/Cheney administration. And even that's not as depressing as knowing whoever comes next will probably make me nostalgic for the freedoms I enjoyed under President Obama.

What color jacket did the would-be terrorist wear? Surely banning flyers from wearing that color would be just as effective as anything else the TSA has tried.


Anonymous thoreau said...

Why am I not surprised that the War on Terror has culminated in a ban on reading?

10:23 AM  
Anonymous smartass sob said...

During the final hour of an airline flight on Christmas Day, a would-be terrorist tried to bring down the plane with a glorified firecracker.

The man allegedly had an explosive known as PETN or Penterythritol tetranitrate taped to his legs or sewn into his underwear - enough that he was badly burned in his failed attempt to ignite it. Not being familiar with this compound I looked it up. Apparently it's a fairly potent explosive - something a bit more than a "glorified firecracker."

It's also a vasodilator used in the treatment of heart disease in a manner similar to nitroglycerine. So I suppose we should cut the poor lamb some slack - he probably just had a bad heart.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

The "firecracker" remark alluded to what the quoted passenger in the article said: he heard a noise like a firecracker, and smelled a bit of smoke. Oooh, scary.

God help us all when some TSA guy figures out that urine contains ammonia, one of the two components needed to make mustard gas.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Cap'n NoStar said...

When it became obvious that government controlled economies couldn't compete with free markets, liberals came up with idea of government control being necessary to save us from global cooling uhh, global warming, errr climate change. Likewise, since guilt over our "carbon footprints" doesn't seem to curtail our desire to fly, the statists have adopted the efforts of Homeland Security to do the trick.

11:29 AM  
Anonymous trucker-dave said...

I think everyone should just be required to fly naked. That would solve all sorts of security problems and would probably bring passenger numbers back up which would help the ailing airlines.

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Ron said...

Hi Jennifer,

The over-reaction is well underway here in England too. So far the new restrictions are only being applied to flights to the US, but the government ominously promised to take “whatever action was necessary”, while the BBC and Sky News have been promoting the view that even the latest measures are not thorough enough.

PS. I discovered your blog a few days ago; it’s now one of my favourite sites.

11:44 AM  
Anonymous smartass sob said...

God help us all when some TSA guy figures out that urine contains ammonia,

Actually it doesn't. It contains nitrates primarily in the form of urea. After the urine has been expelled from the body bacterial acton breaks the urea down into ammonium hydroxide or ammonia - but this can take some time, because by itself urine from a healthy creature is quite sterile.

4:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I can't figure out is why the government is so hell bent on security dealing with air travel? There are many more deadly things to worry about and would probably save more lives.
Yes, we need security, but NOT at the costs that governments spend aimlessly and without much return on investments. This is prime example of idiots in charge of the insane asylum.
I have NEVER in my wildest dreams would believe that banning reading material would fight terrorism.
The staying in the seats will bring on so many lawsuits, I hope it puts the airlines out of business. Then we will finally be safe.

8:24 PM  
Anonymous A Moose said...

I think everyone should just be required to fly naked.

Dear god man! It's bad enough already when they have these tiny seats and 350-400lb people, can you imagine?

Oh, and WTF kind of word is "gaterop" for a validation?

1:01 PM  

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