A friend sent me this link a few days ago, and I still haven’t figured out if it’s real. It’s called the “Prairie Muffin Manifesto,” which sounds like a downhome Midwestern cookbook. But no—Prairie Muffins (if they really exist) are women who
choose a quiet life, diligently pursuing our biblical role as women and protecting the innocence of our children. Some women have been caricatured as denim jumper-wearing, Little House on the Prairie-worshiping, baby machines who never trim their hair or wear makeup. Like the Americans who bore the name Yankee Doodle as a badge of honor rather than be cowed by the enemy who used it in a derogatory way, the name Prairie Muffin is meant to convey the message that we are sticking to our convictions despite the silly labels people try to stick on us.
Okay. If a woman wants to be a stay-at-home mom and her husband supports that, good for her. And if she’s partially motivated by religious incentives, well, whatever makes her happy. I think the name “Prairie Muffin” is kind of stupid, personally, but they’d say the same about “Feral genius.” Anyway, here’s the start of the manifesto:
Whereas we Prairie Muffins believe that our chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, knowing that we are not our own but belong to our faithful Savior Jesus Christ, we affirm many (if not all) of the statements in this manifesto, declaring our joy in serving Christ in the role He has given us and delighting in our distinctives.
1) Prairie Muffins are committed to obeying God's law in every area of life, as they are aware of its application to their lives and circumstances.
2) Prairie Muffins are helpmeets to their husbands, seeking creative and practical ways to further their husbands' callings and aid them in their dominion responsibilities.
This goes on through your standard good-Christian-housewife stuff: obey God, be a good mom, keep obeying God, continue being a good mom, and don’t let the home fires grow cold:
9) Prairie Muffins do not reflect badly on their husbands by neglecting their appearance; they work with the clay God has given, molding it into an attractive package for the pleasure of their husbands.
Well, I still take trouble with my hair and makeup, so I suppose I can’t criticize . . . of course, I don’t tell myself that it’s some holy religious sacrament . . . oh, look, here’s more husband stuff:
17) Prairie Muffins place their husbands' needs and desires above other obligations, arranging their schedules and responsibilities so that they do not neglect the one who provides for and protects them and their children.
18) Prairie Muffins are fiercely submissive to God and to their husbands.
Okay. Okay. I get it. I swear, if the author hadn’t already made a point of saying she wasn’t some drudge who “worshipped Little House on the Prairie” I’d think she was a total drudge who . . . oh. Here’s why she doesn’t like Little House on the Prairie:
19) Prairie Muffins appreciate godly role models, such as Anne Bradstreet, Elizabeth Prentiss and Elisabeth Elliot. They do not idolize Laura Ingalls Wilder (Little House on the Prairie) or Louisa May Alcott (Little Women); while they may enjoy aspects of home life presented in their books, PMs understand that the latent humanism and feminism in these stories and in the lives of these women is not worthy of emulation.
Laura Ingalls Wilder: radical feminist.
I’d like to post more Prairie Muffin outtakes here but unfortunately I don’t have the time — I must perform my womanly duty of reminding the man of the house that he needs to do the laundry.