Monday, March 21, 2011

Everybody Knows That The World Is Full Of Stupid People

Just when I found myself staggering beneath the weight of a few remaining shreds of faith in humanity, reactions to the catastrophes that struck Japan soon relieved me of that burden.

First, I almost abandoned my firm “commitment to personal freedom” principles just long enough to advocate mandatory sterilization for those bigots who responded to news of the Japanese earthquake, tsunamis and nuclear disaster with cracks about karma and Pearl Harbor. (By their logic, my American self shudders to contemplate proper karmic payback for “genociding the natives so you could take their land” or “buying millions of people kidnapped off another continent and turning them into slaves.”)

But at least the karma pundits don’t—I’m guessing—subscribe to the latest insane conspiracy theory, which is: the US military caused the earthquake with its HAARP weather-control device. (I don’t want to link to anything, but Google “US military caused Japan earthquake” if you don’t believe me. Over four million hits without the quote marks. Bye-bye, faith in humanity! Don’t let the door hit your non-existent self in your non-existent ass on your way out.)

I asked one adherent how charging electricity into the atmosphere is supposed to make tectonic plates shift position relative to each other and Earth’s mantle, and apparently it’s because sometimes, before volcanoes erupt or earthquakes rumble, there are electrical discharges into the atmosphere, so maybe it works in reverse. The guy also suspects Obama ordered the tsunami because he’s afraid the Japanese might get too cozy with China, to the detriment of the US. (The notion “China and Japan get too lovey-dovey” is a common theme in many alt-history timelines, though not so much in ours.) I guess Obama thinks if we hit the Japanese with a tsunami they'll … not want to develop better relationships with their immediate neighbors.

The person who explained this to me, incidentally, lives in the United States even though he’s absolutely convinced that on September 11, 2001, the US government killed 3,000 of its own citizens, destroyed valuable real estate and framed the Saudis for it. If I seriously thought the government did that I’d talk about it all the time, as the conspiracy’s adherents are wont to do. But first, I’d get the hell out of the United States because I’d figure a government evil enough to kill 3,000 of its own people – including lots of rich white people – wouldn’t have the slightest qualms about ensuring a poor mouthy blogger who Exposed Their Secrets had a sudden fatal accident. And if the military has a deadly weather- and earthquake-generating machine, it'll have no qualms about going after anybody who exposes it. Bradley Manning could tell you a thing or two about that.

2 Comments:

Blogger rhhardin said...

I'm unaware of any catastrophe conspiracy theories, but I hope you're not against catastrophe humor.

It's the traditional weapon against MSM catastrophe soap opera coverage, up there with the sotto voce remark after the boss leaves the room for standing apart from your current situation.

My reaction cannot be counted on, it says.

8:03 AM  
Blogger Jennifer Abel said...

I have nothing against catastrophe humor, Ron, but that "HAARP caused the earthquake" crap is a bona fide belief out there.

10:17 AM  

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