Save Me, Uncle Sam! I've Lost Control
So here I am, hooked on a strong Columbian intoxicant and suffering actual medical withdrawal symptoms when I try not-using it. Doesn't matter how many hours of quality sleep I get of a night; I still won't feel well-rested until I drink that first cup of coffee. So much for use in moderation. The government ought to ban this poison. You know what would really help me improve my life via ending my coffee dependence? An armed SWAT team working in conjunction with the DEA, breaking into my house, demolishing everything within it and hauling me off to spend several years in prison.
Oh, dear Zod, did I actually write that? The hallucinations really are starting.