Sunday, November 09, 2008

How To Smuggle Six Ounces Onto An Airplane

A two-year-old blog post is spiffed up for family consumption. Back when TSA deemed nail clippers and tweezers dangerous weapons that couldn't be brought onto airplanes, I quickly learned that such items could be hidden from airport metal detectors by shoving them between the coins in my overstuffed change purse. But TSA eventually rescinded the no-tweezers rule, which is a victory for the forces of sanity but means I can no longer get badass rebel street cred by merely trimming my hangnails in hotel rooms far from home.

I can, however, acquire this by keeping my hair clean on vacations. At least for a few months, although TSA director Kip Hawley has said that the three-ounce rule might be rescinded next year. Maybe. Until then, I thoughtfully explain to readers at the New Britain Herald how to smuggle six ounces onto an airplane.


Blogger Anne O'Neimaus said...

Another potential approach: weigh your shampoo (most is less dense than water), and label the containers appropriately. 3oz. by weight will be MORE than 3oz by volume. Bring a high-quality scale (itself illegal in some jurisdictions, such as Chicago, because it can be used to facilitate the drug trade) with which to prove your point...

Note, also, that the restriction is on liquids. Freeze solid your two-liter bottle of soda, and keep it wrapped in an insulating thermal bag (the type sold for ice-cream and frozen pizzas)...

Yeah - they'll just confiscate it all, anyway.

Here in Wichita I got them to take down one of the "what you can & can't carry" signs, leading up to the checkpoint. It clearly and explicitly stated you could NOT take "...blades over 4 inches long", implying shorter blades were OK. When the checkpoint people refused to allow my swiss-army knife to pass (the third or fourth flight to & from Chicago - they missed it all the other times), I escalated up to the supervisor, and took him back in line to actually read the sign.

"Sure Enough", he said, and removed the sign. "It's wrong...I'll file a report". Still confiscated my knife though. Fortunately, it was one of those little corporate promotional dealies, rather than one of my "real" Swiss-Army Knives (I collect them, and their ilk).

Strangely, nobody has ever complained about my "Credit-Card Survival Tool", which has both a (minuscule) knife-edge and a (small) saw-blade. Of course, it is in my wallet with my actual credit cards, which is itself lined with Aluminum Foil to prevent RFID attacks...but that by itself should be causing searches of my purse & wallet every time.

4:49 PM  
Anonymous smartass sob said...

Another article for the Herald? Are we to understand that you have once again found gainful employment at your chosen profession? If so, then congratulations are in order! See? I told you to keep writing, didn't I? :-)

9:32 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

It is a regular Sunday column, Smartass, but a long, long way from gainful employment. The pay is very little. But I'm glad to have the gig; it keeps my clipfile current and I seem to find writing much easier when I know I have an audience.

I'm still looking for work, though. And still editing vanity-publisher manuscripts in the meanwhile.

9:37 PM  
Anonymous smartass sob said...

The pay is very little.

Still it is no small thing to be paid for one's writing. A majority of people could not get published even were they to donate their work. And don't look too far askance at the editing of vanity manuscripts - I know it is not what you want to do, but it is excellent exercise for a writer. And it keep you writing.

9:54 AM  

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