Sunday, May 17, 2009

The FBI Must Be Getting Bored

The other night I met with a meatspace friend of mine while he sat at his computer visiting the sort of websites where people download crisp, clear, copyright-violating copies of movies and DVDs. [Insert standard disclaimer here about how you shouldn’t commit acts of copyright violation because they are Wrong.]

I don’t actually download things myself, but I know from watching others do it that a single large file is broken down into smaller numbered files with the same name. There’s also something called a “par” file, which you’ll use to put the smaller files back together into a single coherent whole.

So when you look at the listings of movies and TV shows available, you’ll generally see each title repeated multiple times, like this:

Stupid Teen Movie 1
Stupid Teen Movie 2
Stupid Teen Movie 3
Stupid Teen Movie 4
Stupid Teen Movie 5
Stupid Teen Movie 6
Stupid Teen Movie 7
Stupid Teen Movie 8
Stupid Teen Movie PAR
Cheesy Sitcom Season One 1
Cheesy Sitcom Season One 2
Cheesy Sitcom Season One 3
Cheesy Sitcom Season One 4
Cheesy Sitcom Season One 5
Cheesy Sitcom Season One 6
Cheesy Sitcom Season One 7
Cheesy Sitcom Season One 8
Cheesy Sitcom Season One 9
Cheesy Sitcom Season One PAR
Chick Flick Romance 1
Chick Flick Romance 2
Chick Flick Romance 3
Chick Flick Romance 4
Chick Flick Romance 5
Chick Flick Romance PAR

And so forth. This is further broken down into categories, so you get one page with repeated names of science-fiction movies, one pageful of action TV dramas and a third with nothing but history-channel Hitler documentaries.

But the other night, there was something strange. No matter what category my friend visited, each list had at its beginning a single small file whose name was never repeated.

So the science fiction page looked something like this:

16 Year Old Rape
Generic Space Opera 1
Generic Space Opera 2
Generic Space Opera 3
Generic Space Opera 4
Generic Space Opera 5
Generic Space Opera PAR
The Star Wars Holiday Special 1
The Star Wars Holiday Special 2
The Star Wars Holiday Special 3
The Star Wars Holiday Special 4
The Star Wars Holiday Special 5
The Star Wars Holiday Special PAR

And the horror-movie page started as follows:

Oral Sex Lolita 14 Years Old
Zombie Brain Eaters 1
Zombie Brain Eaters 2
Zombie Brain Eaters 3
Zombie Brain Eaters 4
Zombie Brain Eaters 5
Zombie Brain Eaters PAR
You Think You Killed The Bad Guy But He’s Not Really Dead 1
You Think You Killed The Bad Guy But He’s Not Really Dead 2
You Think You Killed The Bad Guy But He’s Not Really Dead 3
You Think You Killed The Bad Guy But He’s Not Really Dead 4
You Think You Killed The Bad Guy But He’s Not Really Dead 5
You Think You Killed The Bad Guy But He’s Not Really Dead PAR

Even the cartoon page:

Two 13-Year-Olds Having Sex
Old Looney Tunes Shorts 1
Old Looney Tunes Shorts 2
Old Looney Tunes Shorts 3
Old Looney Tunes Shorts 4
Old Looney Tunes Shorts 5
Old Looney Tunes Shorts PAR
Go Smurf Yourself, Smurfhead 1
Go Smurf Yourself, Smurfhead 2
Go Smurf Yourself, Smurfhead 3
Go Smurf Yourself, Smurfhead 4
Go Smurf Yourself, Smurfhead 5
Go Smurf Yourself, Smurfhead PAR

“Why is there a kiddie porn file at the top of every page?” I asked my friend.

“Those files have been appearing for a couple weeks now,” he told me. “Always just one file.”

“Is it the Russian hacker mafia or the FBI?” I asked but of course there's no way of knowing, since we’re neither of us fool enough to click the mouse anywhere near a file with such a name.

1 Comments:

Blogger Mark said...

Sounds like the FBI's "Click here for a SWAT raid" service. Accidentally clicking one will get their attention, but it's not enough for an arrest, precisely because it could be an accident. But make repeated attempts, and they've got you.

Or...ever since I blogged a post about that high school principal who strip searched a 13-year-old girl for Ibuprofen, I get a lot of search traffic for naked 13-year old girls. So maybe they're just trying to attract search traffic.

11:19 AM  

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