Feels Great, Not Adding Value To The World
Either the document or what's printed on it is called a Remittance Advice, and I gather the Guardian's also sending a copy to "H. M. Inspector of Taxes." It lists the first six pieces I wrote, their titles and publication dates, what I was paid for each, and some long code numbers the Guardian uses for internal recordkeeping. It also says, "This VAT [Value Added Tax] shown is your output tax due to CUSTOMS & EXCISE." The total Value Added Tax for all my output is "zero."
In some contexts this would offend me -- I can take criticism, but "Your writing completely lacks value" goes beyond harsh and into troll territory -- but in this context, where it means I need not contribute toward the upkeep of the Crown Jewels, I am ecstatic to learn I'm worthless and add no value to the human condition. (Actually, according to the remittance advice I am not "worthless" but "exempt," where adding value is concerned. Close enough for government work.)