The Asperger's Social Graces Of Tony Hayward
Speaking now not as an incredulous blogger but a Concerned Shareholder, I demand to know why BP can't find a CEO with better social skills than Rain Man. Tony Hayward, who earlier complained that he wanted to "get [his] life back," took this weekend off to go to a yacht race in England. How can our company survive if the man at the helm is clueless enough to think "You know what's a good idea? Leaving the oil-ravaged Gulf of Mexico to traipse across the Atlantic and indulge in the sort of pastime only the exceedingly rich can afford."
Actually, his cluelessness doesn't bother me so much as his callousness. Even if he still has a grand time in private behind the closed doors of his mansions -- as I'm sure he does -- in public simple manners, to say nothing of corporate responsibility to the shareholders, demands he comport himself with a certain gravitas.
As a Concerned Shareholder, I cast a vote of no confidence in Hayward's leadership abilities. Push him out, replace his golden parachute with lead, and toss him into the rainbow-streaked waters* off the Louisiana coast. If he's lucky, maybe he'll land on his yacht.
*Disclaimer: Use of the phrase "rainbow-streaked waters" in lieu of "toxic contaminated sludgy horror that wouldn't exist if not for BP's long record of negligence, irresponsibility and callous disregard for the environment" is in no way intended to make the Gulf catastrophe sound less nightmarish than it actually is in a cynical bid to drive up BP's stock price so I can get a free pack of gum.