In Remembrance of the Holiday Spirit of Giving

And Jesus said unto the multitude: "Go forth into thine pantry and taketh out the non-expired canned goods which thou likest not anyway, and giveth unto the poor the gifts of beans green, Lima and pinto, and off-brand hash and succotash, and if thou wipest the dust off the cans before their donation, yea, greatly shalt the food bank volunteers be grateful unto you."

Incidentally, has there ever been a can of Lima beans consumed by the actual purchaser? My theory is that they're sold exclusively to prison cooks, school cafeteria cooks, and people who like to let canned goods ripen in their pantries before giving them to the food banks. And maybe parents who hate their kids. I bet Joan Crawford made her kids eat Lima beans all the time.