In Georgia, It's NEVER the Right Week to Stop Sniffing Glue

The good news (relatively speaking): social distancing apparently has had some efficacy in “flattening the curve” of new covid-19 cases here in Georgia.

The bad news (no relativity needed): this news presumably inspired our thoroughly wise* and completely non-corrupt* governor Brian Kemp to announce plans to re-open the state starting this Friday, which I fear will cause those flattened curves to fill out faster than Dolly Parton after she hit puberty. As Kemp posted on Twitter barely two hours ago (blockquote contains two separate tweets):

Due to favorable data & more testing, gyms, fitness centers, bowling alleys, body art studios, barbers, cosmetologists, hair designers, nail care artists, estheticians, their respective schools & massage therapists can reopen Friday, April 24 with Minimum Basic Operations. … Subject to specific social distancing & sanitation mandates, theaters, private social clubs & restaurant dine-in services will be allowed to reopen on Monday, April 27. We'll release more information in the next few days.

If the governor has explained how the hell people such as barbers/hair stylists, tattoo artists, manicurists and the like are supposed to provide their services while staying at least six feet away from their clients, I must have missed that.

Having said this: I must admit Georgia is not the only state, nor Republicans the only major American political party, to have many wise* people offering well-thought-out* ideas. Take for example Senator Chris Murphy (D-Connecticut), who said today that “It's been weeks and health care workers on the front lines still don't have the PPE or medical supplies they need. We need to federalize the medical supply chain – now.”

In other words, he apparently believes the way to solve this problem is to give Trump and his administration even more power than they already have. Trump said earlier that Democratic governors have to be nice to him if they want federal aid in this crisis; I will assume Senator Murphy (whose state has a Democratic governor) missed that news report, because he was too busy formulating well-thought-out* plans to solve this unprecedented national crisis.

*I'm trying out a new “if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all” rule. Do you think it's working? Thank Zod for the sarcasm loophole.