Thursday, July 27, 2006

I Have Been Unfaithful To You

We need to have a talk.

I’ve kept something secret for awhile now. Not for my own sake, but because I didn’t want to hurt you. But I can’t keep living a lie so I’m going to come right out and say this: I blogged with another man.

It only happened once. It was late, and I was drunk, and this guy Brian, who has a blog talking about Playboy, asked me to write an essay giving a woman’s perspective on the magazine.

Yes, I know, “I really like your writing” is the oldest come-on in the book, but did I mention I was drunk? So I pounded something out (with none of the foreplay that makes what we have so unique and irreplaceable) and I’ll show it to you here because I don’t want you to find out from somebody else.


Blogger rhhardin said...

Lileks had a nice essay on bodice rippers vs the Swimsuit Issue somewhere.


My own take is that air brushing isn't important. Men have _extremely_ low standards. That's what, in terms of the species' survival, makes it possible for women to find mates, for most of them aren't great deals either.

Erotically, what's important is that the women be represented as sexually receptive, not that she be airbrushed. Naked doesn't do it. That's basically just your significant other with no clothes on, otherwise.

The NYT had an article of strip lunch clubs, whatever they're called, and an animal study, somehow combined to reveal that a sexually receptive woman raises the testerone level and the mood after being beaten down by the boss all morning, and hence their brisk business.

Paglia's take is that the man looking at porn in the bookstore (old essay) isn't looking for gratification but for answers to the question what the hell is he looking for. Sometime when he's 80 that neuron will switch off and he'll become more rational.

And Georges Bataille wrote somewhere that man is attracted to the female genitals but he loves the one who has the genitals, a point of grammar to get straight before deploring how things work.

Actually what the guy wants is some occasional indication that the woman is satisfied with him, in between quests he is sent on.

Lacking that, the very necessary quest-sending becomes nagging.

2:36 PM  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Once saw a porn mag in a convinience store called "Shaved & Ready" and my first thought was "of course she's ready, it's Porn!" Magazines full of girls not interested in you would be no fun.
"In the new issue of Bone Dry & Leaving..."
Meanwhile, europorn is full of young bored looking girls who stand perfectly still by the rocks. Yeah, THAT"S fun.

3:40 PM  
Anonymous NoStar said...

You think a simple confession is enough to restore what we had?
It will take time and counseling before the trust is restored. It won't be easy, but if you are willing to go, I'll go too.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

The problem, Number 6, is that I am weak, and while I want to remain pure I can't promise that I'll be able to say 'no' if another man talks to me with that "come hither and write" look that makes my legs go all rubbery.

I'm not saying this to further hurt you; it's just that we'll never work out the problems in our relationship if we don't build upon a foundation of honesty.

5:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually what the guy wants is some occasional indication that the woman is satisfied with him, in between quests he is sent on.

Most of the time, we'll settle for "tolerated", actually.

7:15 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Well, if guys actually refused to sleep with anyone but Playboy models I think the human race would have already gone extinct.

7:40 PM  
Blogger brian423 said...

Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am, for plugging my blog.

8:45 PM  
Anonymous TC said...

Pretty good piece of ink!

"Gentlemen, when you admire your next Playboy pictorial, I want to sincerely thank you, on behalf of womankind, for only expecting us to live up to the standards of Miss December. And bless your hearts, most times you’ll even overlook that."

Besides most are like the toys you buy for a grand child, would be fun to play with for awhile, then send home with mommy!! :P

10:58 PM  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Y'know, the last time I flipped through a Playboy on the newstand, I noticed two disturbing things:
First, and most obvious, was uneven boob jobs. If your nipples point at two completely different latitudes, or the left is noticably larger than the right, then the editor shouldn't have put you in the issue.
Secondly was bad, bad hair, with big nasty dark streaks and starkly untended roots. Is there some new vogue fad with having retarded hair?
Only a generation subjected to modern public school and the pop culture wasteland of the last ten years could manage to fuck up the simple prospect of photographing a naked lady.

4:16 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Did I say "Number 6?" I meant "No Star." Damn, I'll never get this moblogamy stuff down if I can't even get names right, will I?

I am too intoxicated right now to know if that pun is clever or stupid. Probably the latter. Anyone who can come up with a better combination of "blog" and "monogamy" is free to do so.

You have nowhere to go but up.

7:40 PM  
Anonymous NoStar said...

I thought that was a response to me. No harm, no foul.

How about "Monog-blogmy".

If you ever consider doing a three-way here, call it a

9:35 AM  

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