Thursday, August 10, 2006

There Goes My Punchline

I’m sure you’ve heard about the new security rule: no gels or liquids on airplanes. All day I've seen stories about travelers having to throw away items ranging from souvenir maple syrup to expensive perfumes. Thoreau, another of Jim Henley’s guest bloggers, posted a brief rant about how stupid this is, and I commented “they say the ban is only temporary, but I don’t think it will stay temporary for long.”

I so liked the sound of all those contradictions and counter-contradictions that I decided to post them here, and was working on more phrases of the same flavor when, not five minutes later, I stumbled across this headline on the front page of the Washington Post’s site:

Schedules disrupted; liquid, gel ban may remain (though the article itself merely says “Random checks may persist”).

I seem to recall a case where some terrorists had dolls whose clothes were made of an explosive substance woven into cloth. And we’ve all heard people make sarcastic comments that “to ensure perfect safety, they’ll make us all fly naked.”

Of course, they wouldn’t do that. But they’re getting so paranoid I can almost see them requiring all passengers to wear government-issued paper gowns, if the next plot they uncover features terrorists donning explosive denim. How many things are left to ban, anyway?

The terrorists don't even have to succeed anymore. All they have to do is get caught with evermore unique destructive possibilities, resulting in more things to ban.

I can't believe they haven't already thought of getting a flat-chested female suicide bomber outfitted with DD-cup plastic explosive implants.

6 Comments:

Anonymous A Moose said...

I can't believe they haven't already thought of getting a flat-chested female suicide bomber outfitted with DD-cup plastic explosive implants.

Uh oh, NOW you've done it....no breasts on the plane any more...

4:57 AM  
Blogger rhhardin said...

It's a roust.

A roust is great inconvenience to the public solely in support of the idea that the authorities are doing something. It's very popular with authorities as a budget defender and increaser.

The more inconvenience, the better it works.

I myself would simply turn loose hundreds of explosive sniffing dogs, preferably German Shepherds and Dobermans, in airports to check people out. At liberty, no leashes.

This has several advantages.

1. Muslims fear them.

2. A trained dog is a joy to behold. They live for their work. Introduce an explosive-carrying person once a week for them to find and they'll be happy.

3. It passes the time at the gate, to be able to watch them.

4. No lines.

Disadvantages : modern wimp training methods don't produce dogs that can work at liberty.

5:29 AM  
Blogger rhhardin said...

con't my own preference is Dobermans

Susie 1995 http://home.att.net/~rhhardin1/susie03.jpg
Annie 2005 http://home.att.net/~rhhardin/jump1.jpg

future

Vicki 2006 http://home.att.net/~rhhardin6/awww001.jpg

5:37 AM  
Anonymous mediageek said...

Ah yes.

Yet more evidence to support my theory that the Tinfoil Hat Conspiracy Club really are the ones in charge.

9:15 AM  
Blogger rhhardin said...

Uh oh, they're banning breast milk http://rhhardin.home.mindspring.com/imuscut.liquids.ram

(Imus in the Morning news 8:08am)

4:00 PM  
Anonymous togolosh said...

Actually, you can make a decent low order explosive by soaking cotton in a mixture of nitric and sulfuric acid. Depending on how far the reaction is allowed to go you end up with either a crumbly cloth or a material that's not much different from cotton, but which burns furiously if ignited, and will explode if confined. I don't know if it's detectable by explosive sniffers.

5:11 PM  

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