There Goes My Punchline

I’m sure you’ve heard about the new security rule: no gels or liquids on airplanes. All day I've seen stories about travelers having to throw away items ranging from souvenir maple syrup to expensive perfumes. Thoreau, another of Jim Henley’s guest bloggers, posted a brief rant about how stupid this is, and I commented “they say the ban is only temporary, but I don’t think it will stay temporary for long.”

I so liked the sound of all those contradictions and counter-contradictions that I decided to post them here, and was working on more phrases of the same flavor when, not five minutes later, I stumbled across this headline on the front page of the Washington Post’s site:

Schedules disrupted; liquid, gel ban may remain (though the article itself merely says “Random checks may persist”).

I seem to recall a case where some terrorists had dolls whose clothes were made of an explosive substance woven into cloth. And we’ve all heard people make sarcastic comments that “to ensure perfect safety, they’ll make us all fly naked.”

Of course, they wouldn’t do that. But they’re getting so paranoid I can almost see them requiring all passengers to wear government-issued paper gowns, if the next plot they uncover features terrorists donning explosive denim. How many things are left to ban, anyway?

The terrorists don't even have to succeed anymore. All they have to do is get caught with evermore unique destructive possibilities, resulting in more things to ban.

I can't believe they haven't already thought of getting a flat-chested female suicide bomber outfitted with DD-cup plastic explosive implants.