Thursday, October 19, 2006

G.O.Peshizzle In Da House Toot Sweet, Yo

Deep in my heart of hearts I hope this website I’m going to tell you about is a joke (it's real): Vote our Values, sponsored by “America’s PAC,” which has a collection of 24 ads currently running on urban radio stations in an attempt to win black votes for the Republicans. If nothing else, it’s a fascinating sociological study into what kind of music rich old white guys think modern urban blacks listen to.

Vote our Values is one of those damnable Flash sites, so I can’t link directly to the page with the radio ads on it. Click on “Listen to the Ads,” and you’ll find them on the left side of the page, while the “Advertisment (sic) Script” appears on the right.

My favorite ad, “Hazardous Dukes,” compares Iraq War opponents to the KKK:
. . . I enlisted in the all-volunteer army to fight the war against terror. Last summer, David Duke visited Damascus, Syria, where he praised the government that’s been smuggling bombs to the terrorists in Iraq. A couple months later, my unit was in Baghdad, where we protected first-time Iraqi voters.

Now, I can understand why a Ku Klux Klan cracker makes nice with the terrorists. They fight voting rights in Iraq, just like he does at home. But what I want to know is why so many of the Democrat politicians I helped elect are on the same side of the Iraq war as David Duke.
Meanwhile, underneath the voiceover is strange downtone violin music with a banjo playing beneath that. The “Wire Taps” piece, by contrast, features the cheery faux hip-hop music you hear on Nickelodeon shows teaching children the alphabet. Meanwhile, the wise man in the voiceover tells us that it’s stupid to oppose warrantless wiretapping because

Did you know that Presidents Kennedy and Johnson wiretapped Martin Luther King? Those Democrats treated the leader of our civil rights movement as a subversive . . . unlike the Al Qaeda butchers Bush is wiretapping, Martin was fighting to promote voting rights. He wasn’t plotting mass murder.
You’ll also want to check out “Don’t Go There,” and wonder why the writers didn’t take their own advice. A wise black man — war veteran, hard worker, and devoted father — is explaining to an irresponsible white man why the white guy shouldn’t vote Republican, since he’s just an unemployed loser who cheats on his wife and would never fight to defend his country. Also:
WISE BLACK GUY: and if you make a little mistake with one of your hos, you’ll want to dispose of the problem toot sweet, no questions asked, right?

WHITE SCUMBAG: Naw, that’s too cold. I don’t snuff my own seed.

WISE BLACK GUY: Huh. Really? (Pause) Well, maybe you do have a reason to vote Republican.

Yes, even a loser should vote Republican so that if he knock up one of his hos she won’t be allowed to snuff out his seed. The loser won’t be able to support his seed, of course, but the important thing is that the ho can’t snuff it out.


Anonymous Twba said...

All political ads seem to be written by and for morons.

10:27 PM  
Anonymous smacky said...

This is offensive on so many levels. Can't...rebut...

*head esplodes*

6:46 AM  
Blogger David Macharelli said...

What's sad is that we couldn't make a better fake ad to parody republicans' appeals to black voters.

What's a person with a talent for sarcasm supposed to do in a post -parody world?

7:11 AM  
Blogger Mark said...

I don't really have the time to tell the whole story here, but I saw a similar ad being made when I worked for the RNC (forgive me) in DC. It was full of horrible attempts to speak in "black slang." While I don't remember the specific content of the ad, I do remember my boss and I telling the rich white woman who wrote it (yes, really), "You [i]can't do that![/i]

7:54 AM  
Anonymous NoStar said...

Do the ads give simplistic knee jerk reasons to vote Republican? You bet.

But, they also expose the simplistic knee jerk reasons for voting Democrat.

I think the ads are funny, albeit unintentionally so.

10:05 AM  
Blogger Robert said...

I have to agree with Keith Olberman, who observed that it was funny that these ads actually featured black actors, as opposed to white actors in minstrel makeup, as you might expect.

10:24 AM  
Anonymous TC said...

Dang, an educated black man and woman have no right talking to other blacks about politics!


10:39 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

WHo said black people don't have the right to discuss politics, TC? I'm just saying that it's laughable when an elderly white billionaire funds radio ads telling black people "Warrantless wiretapping is okay because the Democrats did it to Martin Luther King."

12:06 PM  

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