Friday, September 05, 2008

The 2012 Election: Predictions And Hints

There’s less than two months left until Election ’08 and for the first time in American history, it looks like our next Presidential/Vice-Presidential pairing will be some combination other than “two white males.” Four years from now, if either major party decides to run Two White Males on its ticket this will be hailed as a major step backwards for America’s oppressed classes.

The Republican Party platform will contain at least one plank of psychosexual uptightness disguised as social policy. Perhaps it will still involve gay people. It definitely won’t involve teen pregnancy.

The Democratic candidates will all speak out loudly against the loathsome bills proposed by Republicans. However, when these bills come up before the House or Senate, the Democrats will nonetheless vote them into law.

I’ll be old enough to Constitutionally run for president, yet young enough to still be the Youngest President Ever. I will also have the continued ability to save any ticket from the dreaded “Two White Males” label.

I’ll be old enough to Constitutionally run for president, yet young enough to still be the Youngest President Ever. I will also have the continued ability to save any ticket from the dreaded “Two White Males” label.

I repeated that last paragraph for no apparent reason, although I figure if you missed it the first time it’s a good thing you got a second chance to see it. Ahem.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Ali said...

I'll join your ticket as VP, if that's OK by you. Then we'll have something truly unprecedented (a non-secret muslim + a libertarian woman).

8:41 PM  
Blogger Jennifer Abel said...

My only concern, Ali, is that there might be another "birth-certificate/
not-born-in-America" scandal with you on the ticket. But perhaps we can overcome that by bribing some town clerks in Hawaii.

9:43 PM  
Blogger Caveman Lawyer said...

Jen said "It definitely won’t involve teen pregnancy."

Anyone seeking higher office must have a strong hypocritical streak in them. They will have no problem speaking out against teen pregnancy. Remember Cheney's gay daughter? Did that slow down the "gay people suck" agenda of the Republicans?

The Onion had a great bit on McCain's choice...

http://www.theonion.com/content/amvo/mccain_chooses_palin_as_vp

6:15 AM  
Anonymous Thoreau said...

What makes you think the GOP platform won't contain some hypocritical verbiage related to teen pregnancy? Do you think that these people care about or even notice their own hypocrisy? Larry Craig and David Vitter decided to sponsor a Constitutional amendment to protect traditional marriage from teh gay and nobody blinked.

I wouldn't be too upset if the parties decide to go for a while with something other than "2 white males." Sure, it halves my chance of making it to the top of power, but that's OK with me.

5:08 PM  

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