Monday, May 18, 2009

Blatant Attempt To Land A Job In Journalism’s Big Leagues

I suffered a difficult and traumatic adolescence, plagued at one point by poverty so bad I came close to starvation and was reduced to eating raw vegetables I’d clawed by hand from the dirt in a neighbor’s seedy abandoned garden. But my belly couldn’t handle the harsh unwashed food so I became violently ill, there in the shattered ruins of all I once held dear, and sobbed quietly for a bit, utterly defeated.

Or so it seemed. But then I squared my thin, bedraggled shoulders and slowly arose, my plucky undernourished frame silhouetted against the dramatic blood-red sky, and raised my fist to said sky and defiantly cried out “As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again!”

This really happened. Or maybe I’m just remembering something a friend told me a few days ago. Either way it’s totally my own original work or at least an honest mistake on my part, and since I’ve demonstrated an ability to tell dramatic, self-pitying stories and borrow ideas as needed I see no reason why I shouldn’t be considered for the job of Token Redhead Columnist at the New York Times.


Anonymous Kolohe said...

I thought you were blonde?


7:30 PM  
Blogger Eric the .5b said...

*helpfully points at the picture*

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Jeff P said...

Trust me, Kolohe, there's times I think she's a blonde as well...

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Stevo Darkly said...

Originally I was going to simply comment, "Bwah ha ha!" but now for the sake of self-preservation I feel the need to clarify that I am guffawing at the blog post, not Jeff's vicious and cruel comment, as I have no basis for concurrence there, at least not that I can remember.

12:57 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I of course was kidding in my post. Maureen Dowd won't lose her job for being a plagiarist; the only journalists losing their jobs in today's economic climate are the ones who don't deserve to be fired.

I found it odd that her "I wasn't plagiarizing" excuse was that she said she was simply quoting from something "a friend" said to her. But even there, she didn't credit her "friend" in her column. So, to defend herself from charges of plagiarism, Dowd argued that she regularly steals her friend's ideas and passes them off as her own.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Caveman Lawyer said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

7:50 PM  
Blogger Caveman Lawyer said...

Damn, links didn't come out right...

Fred Reed, profesional curmudgeon and ocasional journalist, had some things to say about Ms. Dowd back in 05. I think it still rings true.

7:54 PM  

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