Another Milestone On The Road To Liberty

During the final hour of an airline flight on Christmas Day, a would-be terrorist tried to bring down the plane with a glorified firecracker. Passengers, who heard a sound described as "like a firecracker in a pillowcase ... First there was a pop, and then (there) was smoke," jumped out of their seats and subdued the unsuccessful terrorist. Naturally on the very next day, federal officials presumably hung over from the previous day's merrymaking decreed that in future, passengers must remain seated if anyone tries to blow up the plane since it's now illegal to leave your seat during the last hour of a flight. And should you find yourself in desperate need of a bathroom then, federal law now requires you remain seated and shit your pants instead.

Although we're not, apparently, supposed to know that:

The homeland security secretary, Janet Napolitano, said in a statement Saturday that new measures were “designed to be unpredictable, so passengers should not expect to see the same thing everywhere.” She said passengers should proceed with their holiday plans and “as always, be observant and aware of their surroundings and report any suspicious behavior or activity to law enforcement officials” ....Two foreign airlines, Air Canada and British Airways, disclosed the steps in notices on their Web sites. The airlines said the rules had been implemented by government security agencies including the T.S.A. “Among other things,” the statement on Air Canada’s Web site read, “during the final hour of flight customers must remain seated, will not be allowed to access carry-on baggage, or have personal belongings or other items on their laps.”

So you you can't leave your seat, can't reach into your bag, and presumably can't read a book or work on a laptop unless you hold them over your head, either.

It's finally happened: I officially yearn for the level of freedom Americans enjoyed under the Bush/Cheney administration. And even that's not as depressing as knowing whoever comes next will probably make me nostalgic for the freedoms I enjoyed under President Obama.

What color jacket did the would-be terrorist wear? Surely banning flyers from wearing that color would be just as effective as anything else the TSA has tried.