The Grand Unified Theory Of Birtherism

Today was an important milestone in the life of any feral genius. I read my umpty-millionth political discussion thread completely derailed by off-topic ranting, and have reached the following conclusion: "Birthers" must be deep-cover Democratic operatives.

That's why, whenever you read an online discussion about the myriad ways Obama is trashing the constitution, the Birther Demos inevitably appear en masse and derail the thread with off-topic rants about Kenya, or presidential middle names typed in ALL CAPS because the names contain words like HUSSEIN which clearly does NOT originate from any of the countries in EUROPE so how can this be LEGAL [blah blah].

I imagine the Birthers all hanging out in their extinct volcano hideaway, and whenever an Internet discussion thread mentions the term "Obama" plus TSA or NDAA or "close Guantanamo" or other keywords, a red light flashes and a siren blares and the Birther Keyboard Commandos all slide down their brass firepoles and rush to their computers to type comments like "Of COURSE he wants to FORCE all Americans to convert to ISLAM because that's what people BORN IN KENYA and named HUSSEIN do...."

Not that Obama and the Democrats are the only ones cynical and sleazy enough to pull off such a Machiavellian conspiracy. I'm also convinced the 9/11 Truthers were all deep-cover operatives on the payroll of the GOP. That's why, during the eight years of the Bush administration, any online discussion of the myriad ways Bush trashed the constitution was derailed by Truther Repubs who inevitably appeared en masse to derail the conversation with rants about thermite and/or the Mossad flavored with a dash of numerology a la "The attacks were on NINE ELEVEN because NINE ONE ONE is the EMERGENCY number and ...."