A Day In Hell's Tenth Circle

I am overtired, overcaffeinated and not sure if I'm kidding when I say "I'm gonna buy a van and live in it, because homelessness beats trudging through yet another rental model in search of a place to live."

One apartment in a luxury complex looked rather nice until the rental agent lady skeeved us out by suddenly switching to hardsell tactics: Great deals! We'll halve the amenities and application fees! NO SECURITY DEPOSIT pending credit approval!! But only if you sign today one day only this deal won't last sign it now NOW NOW NOWNOWNOW!!!
 

No. I reject on general principles any deal where the seller won't give me a night to sleep on it.

I also encountered my first rental scam: saw a listing for a lovely house with a decent rent, wrote to express interest, guy sent a long email containing one or two correctly spelled words and an ungrammatical explanation of how we'll have to wire-transfer the money to China, where the "owner" is working as a missionary, and he's not interested in money but simply wants a tenant who will take good care of the home and love it as much as he does ... uh huh. Screw you for thinking I have the IQ of rancid mayonnaise, dude. (The actual owner of the home has since been made aware of her Chinese doppelganger.)

Side note: why do scammers always print their names in ALL CAPS? Whether they claim to be Nigerian oil ministers or Chinese missionary real-estate moguls like MR QIAN HUA PAN & YAI CHOW WONG PAN (that's a direct cut-and-paste from the email), you can always tell a scammer by his all-caps name.