Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Spiders Suck; or, Promoting the Manufacture and Use of Poison Gas Bombs

A friend of mine whom I know from an online forum is annoyed because, several days ago, a large and prolific (in terms of web-spinning) spider took up residence in her car's rear-view mirror, and no matter how many times she's tried spraying water, insecticide and other alleged spider repellents into the mirror, every morning she enters her car through the passenger-side door because the driver side is covered with spidery nastiness.

So when she posted a complaint about this on the forum today, I responded with a speculation/suggestion: "I wonder if you could make a mini-spider bomb? Maybe get a plastic shopping bag with no holes or tears in it, spray it full of poison (do this outside, of course), then quickly tie the poison-gas-filled bag around your mirror and leave it there for a night."

She liked the idea and said she'll try it tonight.

I mention this anecdote not to show off my presumed cleverness, nor even because I worry you might suffer similar automotive-infestation issues. I mention it because, after I posted this suggestion, I realized that the NSA search-bots assigned to seek out certain key words in ostensibly private communications are bound to take notice of the fact that, in a single 51-word post on a private forum populated by self-described political radicals (read: civil libertarians), I discussed how to "make" a "bomb" containing "poison gas."

And now you've read these bomb instructions, possibly even downloaded them, on or onto your own ostensibly private computer or mobile device. 

Sorry about that. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have written anything in the first place. Let my friend deal with her own problems. Or at least know better than to just type out and post a quickie response to them; I should have thought about it first, in light of my presumed national-security obligations as an American citizen in a post-9/11 world, should've sat through a cooling-off period and maybe sang the Star-Spangled Banner before posting a carefully worded spider eradication suggestion containing nothing sensitive enough to trigger an NSA-bot programmed for paranoia.

After all: if we're going to keep living here in the Land of the Free, we're going to need a lot more practice at self-censorship.


Blogger Master Doh-San said...



12:40 PM  

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