Since losing my staff-writer job last April, I’ve lost count of how many job applications I’ve sent out and how many job-hunting agencies I’ve registered with. The old “send out your resume and clip file along with a carefully crafted cover letter and hope an offer springs from that” tactic clearly isn’t working for me. But I think I’ve figured out a more productive strategy, which I discuss in today’s column:
The other night I tried selling my soul to Satan in exchange for a secure, fulfilling job offering a decent salary and opportunities for advancement (yes, America, that is what it takes nowadays).
I also tried to get the attention of any readers who might belong to Board of Directors of large, wealthy companies looking to hire a CEO:
Most corporate executives who trash their companies charge hundreds of millions of dollars each year for their services. I’m willing to trash your company for a mere half-million, plus health and dental.
This enormous salary differential could shore up your stock value. Preserve hundreds of jobs. Or fund your next round of executive bonuses and corporate retreats in Maui.
So check out my latest column in the Bristol Press
, Middletown Press
or New Britain Herald
! Unless you’re a titan of industry thinking about hiring me, in which case you should check out these columns after
you send me an e-mail containing a lucrative job offer.