Sunday, August 19, 2012

Raising Facebook's Bottom Line

Dear Facebook,

Your stock price is dropping like a rock because you have no ad revenue. Why not? Let's peruse the ads currently on my Facebook feed and find out.

Seven advertisements in all: an invitation for my childfree self to join a "proud mothers" group; a local photographer who specializes in portraits of newborns; the chance to supplement my Master's degree with a GED; an ad offering my 112-pound self the chance to lose 48 pounds as Rachael Ray did; an ad offering the chance to lose seven pounds a week; an ad telling me how to lose 23 pounds as Kim Kardashian did, and another ad offering me the chance to lose seven pounds a week.

So: two ads offering services I'd never use, one insulting my education and intelligence, and four offering advice that will literally kill me within a month if I listen to them.

THAT'S why nobody's clicking on your ads, Zuckerberg.


P.S. Who the hell told you I even like Rachael Ray or Kim Kardashian, let alone want to model my life after theirs? Tell me who told you this, so I can sue his ass for libel.


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