Thursday, May 09, 2013

Why I Chose To Be Heterosexual

I'm still seeing the "sexual orientation is a choice" argument being tossed around gay-marriage opposition sites, so it must be true because if it were a lie we surely wouldn't hear it from so many of our trusted politicians and respected family-values proponents, right?

I don't know why gay people choose gayness, but I chose to be straight the day I realized "Although I never ever ever want children, I just adore the added fillip and excitement that 'risk of pregnancy' adds to my sex life. And when I was single and dating--which is to say, spending time alone with people I didn't necessarily know very well--I also loved that added risk of violent death vis-a-vis sexual dimorphism: if I'm with a woman who turns out to be a violent psycho hoping to kill me with her bare hands, there's a pretty decent chance I could successfully defend myself against her. Which is booooriiiiiing. Gimme a psycho attacker who outweighs me by at least a hundred testosterone-enriched pounds! And my chances of getting AIDS and other STDs were always a lot higher from straight sex, too. With all the kickass advantages heterohood has to offer childfree women like me, it's obvious that only a self-hating, risk-taking, masochistic fool of a woman would choose to be a lesbian instead."

That's all I have time to write today; remind me sometime to share with you my modest proposal to end world hunger via treating gay Irish babies as a food source.


Anonymous Nullifier said...

Hot from the knife a la Swift?

7:56 AM  
Blogger Master Doh-San said...

How odd, though, that it was the homosexual community that first promulgated the "choice" meme.

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Russ 2000 said...

I prefer to look at sexual orientation as a choice simply because it exposes the groupthink of the opposition. They simply can't stand the idea that someone might choose differently. Indeed this was the exact impetus behind the establishment of public schools. It isn't enough for these types of people to spend their times with like-minded people; no, they want EVERYONE to be like-minded.

Central planners are for ever and everywhere the scum of the earth.

3:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your not a very good righter.

5:16 AM  

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