Saturday, October 30, 2010

A Plague On Both Their Houses

Advice for indifferent housekeepers seeking motivation to clean their messy abodes: one episode of "Hoarders" equals ten cups of strong coffee laced with amphetamines -- no way can you sit on your butt afterwards. Over the past couple weeks I've been watching that and other extreme-hoarding reality shows, while cleaning house and shedding possessions. I've made so many trips to the Salvation Army, the donation guy recognizes my car and prepares when he sees it coming. The shows inspire in me an odd combination of pride and defensiveness: "Yeah, 27 coffee mugs is a tad excessive for a household of two people, but you know how many dead cats I got in this apartment? Zero."

Every episode of every hoarding show has at least one "Toxic eeew" scene showing how a hoarder's dwelling got so bad, it surpassed "messy" and entered the realm of "bio-hazard": rat's nests, cat corpses, piles of animal (or even human) poop. I found nothing remotely so horrible in my own apartment but did uncover a slight mold problem in our basement, at the exact same moment I saw firsthand why cardboard boxes are spectacularly unsuitable for storing things in a moldy environment.

So anyway, I haven't blogged lately because I've been too busy clearing unwanted or unhealthy junk from my immediate surroundings. I wish cleaning house were as easy in the political realm, and stopped uncluttering my cabinets long enough to lament that it isn't, and write my latest Guardian column, explaining why I probably won't vote in the midterm election next Tuesday.

I thought it was one of my better columns of the past few weeks, with plentiful one-liners like "Republicans actively trash America, while Democrats passively refuse to stop it happening" and "It's very demoralising to know Glenn Crazypants Beck has a better grasp of legal reality than the attorney general of your state." Pithy, right? Not according to 99 percent of the commentariat; last time they hated a piece that much was when I said something nice about Ayn Rand. In retrospect, I'd've been better off (from a popularity standpoint) writing a column titled Fuck You And Everyone You Ever Loved. Don't think I wasn't tempted.

To contrast my apathy regarding the 2010 elections, check out the archives for the Feral Genius 2008 Presidential Endorsement.

2 Comments:

Blogger Charles Pergiel said...

Hey, you might be on the road to fame and fortune, or at least to being popular and influential. People are reading your stuff and are getting stirred up enough to reply. This is excellent! I think. Cheers.

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Jason Sonenshein said...

Mike Meno of the Marijiuana Policy Project offers a good reason to vote for Dan Malloy for governor:

Malloy (D) has said that he “absolutely” supports decriminalizing marijuana, as well as medical marijuana legislation that would protect seriously ill patients from arrest. Outgoing Gov. Jodi M. Rell vetoed medical marijuana legislation in 2007. If Malloy were elected governor, proponents would be given renewed hope for passing a medical marijuana law in Connecticut.

4:28 PM  

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