Friday, May 31, 2013

In Praise Of Proper Gender Roles

A handful of extremely masculine men at Fox News have been freaking out over the rise of the American female breadwinner: there are lots of households headed by a single woman, and even households headed by married couples wherein the woman earns more than the man, which is a catastrophe because, as Fox News pundit and scientific genius Erick Erickson said:
"When you look at biology, when you look at the natural world – the roles of a male and a female in society and in other animals, the male typically is the dominant role. The female, it's not antithesis, or it's not competing, it's a complementary role." 

And Zod knows we dare not go against Nature (she said as she polished dust off the lenses of her corrective-vision eye glasses, before resuming work on a computer more powerful than the ones NASA used to send astronauts to the moon). A couple of weeks ago I visited a nearby botanical garden during what turned out to be water-turtle mating season, and thus learned that a proper, natural relationship is one where the female is exactly twice the size of the male, publicly boinks him in full view of any passersby after he spits water in her face, then abandons him.

Which means that I, in order to win the approval of those traditional moralists who support what is right and proper and natural, really ought to divorce my bigger-than-me husband in favor of a highly publicized one night stand with an extremely drunk Peter Dinklage.


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