Sunday, July 13, 2014

Join the Movement: Real Garments™ for Real People

Join me! I'm trying to start a new pseudo-scientific social fad: the Real Garments movement!

It's based on various forms of food faddism, only less likely to rot sans refrigeration. The idea is that all the mindless manual labor which our ancestors spent all of history trying to escape is actually beneficial for you, whereas letting modern machinery do your drudgework, like, cheapens your basic essential humanity somehow. So forget modern, impersonal, factory-made mass-produced clothing; you're not really "dressed" unless you're wearing clothes you made yourself, using your own spinning wheel to spin your own thread out of fibers from your own pet sheep or gardenful of flax or cotton plants, then weaving those threads into cloth with your own loom. (At some point in the process, you're also supposed to color this with your own dye, made by boiling bark or berries gathered from your own land.) Do what our ancestors did: be independent and self-sufficient, live a healthy, natural back-to-the-Earth lifestyle, spend years of repetitive labor producing a single piece of fabric, then drop dead by 35.

Also remember: every single member of the world medical and scientific community -- especially the ones who contradict the Real Garments bloggers and tell you that mass-produced clothing can be worn with no ill health effects -- is part of an insidious plot to make life worse than it currently is. To learn the truth, and raise yourself above the common run of "sheeple" [e.g., people clueless enough to think Dr. Jonas Salk knows more about medical science than Dr. Jennifer McCarthy] make sure you read the Real Garments blog! Or just give the Real Garmentsblogger some of your money.
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